My first Pentecost

Here is a great little coloring page for my first Catholic Pentecost...hahaha.  I am such a child in my Catholic faith.  Pentecost is in essence, the birthday of the Church, when the Holy Spirit came upon the apostles.  We should celebrate the strength of our church and the joy of having Christian fellowship.  The Holy Trinity is complete with the Holy Spirit, it is such a beautiful gift from God.  To me, the Holy Spirit is like my pilot light, it has to be on for me to work.  I never felt the Holy Spirit as much as I did after I had my first confession and then my confirmation.  It is really important to be aware of the Holy Spirit in us.  Happy Pentecost!

EWTN.com - Families Need to Teach Self-Gift, Says Pope

EWTN.com - Families Need to Teach Self-Gift, Says Pope

Sunday May 20th

In Good Times and Bad 

Today, look around you, and find God in both good news and bad news, in the obvious and in the hardships. The hardships just might exist as a way to draw your hearts closer to Him. 

— from Ask the Bible Geek


******
This is a good quote for me today.  I have been a horrible christian this past week, moving week.  I let the stress overwhelm me and I lose my temper and I can't seem to stay positive, to see God in the things around me.  I was doing so good, I am off the wagon.  There are moments when I have thought to pray, but it hasn't seemed to help because I just go right back to being a b#*(&$.  I know it's not good to want to change things, but if I could change my behavior toward Alex and Serena this week, I would.  Thank God it's sunday and I can reflect in church and allow Jesus to help heal my frustrations and humble me.  Man, it takes a lot of hard work to be a good person.

Moving Day

Spiritual Surgery 

The astounding variety of moral imperfections continually reminds me of how our selfish natures constantly try to assume control of our hearts and minds. We must learn how to handle the confrontation with the truth about ourselves and then invite God in for some spiritual surgery. 

— from The Catholics Next Door


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Once again, my daily meditation email hit the nail on the head.  Moving is such a crazy process, we all just need to keep our heads clear and be productive, meaning my family.  God has a plan, so let's just go with it.  Today I want to take a motto from a song we sang at the concert the other night, "God is our refuge and strength", because I need that strength and refuge through this stressful week of house repairs and moving.  

Song of Songs

At my CRHP meeting last night, I was the one who shared a song and bible verse.  My song was "Just a closer walk with thee", sang by the beautiful and classic Patsy Cline.  I am not a fan of current inspirational music, especially the rock songs.  I am however, totally affected by country/folk gospel music, classics.

The bible verse I chose to share is from the New American Bible,  Song of Songs, Chapter 6 vs 1-3.

D.  Where has your lover gone,

O most beautiful among women?

Where has your lover gone

that we may seek him with you?

B.  My lover has come down to his garden,

to the bed of spice.

To browse in the garden,

and to gather lilies.

My lover belongs to me and I to him;

he browses among the lilies.

Song of Songs is so poetic.  Anytime in RCIA class, that we talked about the metaphor of the church as the bride and Jesus as the groom, I was always affected by that.  I am a bride, a wife, and I have taken vows not only to Alex, but also to God.  I love that Song of Songs is a heated and sensual conversation between bride and groom, between God and his people.  The language is poetic and I can just get lost in it.  That is one thing about the Catholic faith, there is always more to learn and Song of Songs has so many ways to look at it, so many layers, just like the Church.  I enjoy the duality of heavenly and earthly love.  There are also a lot of garden metaphors, those always paint beautiful pictures in my mind.  

So, read Song of Songs, it's short and graphic and great.  You will love it.

April 26, 2012

Flattery Gets You Nowhere 

You must never flatter yourself for whatever good you might notice in yourself, because everything good comes to you from God, and you need to give the honor and glory to him. 

— from Padre Pio's Spiritual Direction for Every Day


***
I have been is a foggy haze since Monday.  I had the busiest 4-day travel weekend and I am still getting over it, on Thursday.  I have not done any of the things that nurture my creativity and spirituality, besides quickly reading these quotes I get in my email daily.  I have not done my Artist Way work, have not read the bible, didn't go to mass on Sunday (I went to Disney instead) and I missed my RCIA and choir last night because I had some sort of 24 hour bug.  Woe is me.  I know there are no excuses for slacking of, I am a slacker sometimes.  This quote, for once, is not totally applicable to me right now, because I am not about to flatter myself in any way.  I know I have let down God this week.  He forgives though.  I just need to step up my game and get back on the horse.  It is tough to go from having 4 amazing days of love and fun, and then come home to the grind.  I am starting up a bible/book study group with a couple of my mom friends, the book we chose is about catholic motherhood and I am hoping I get some insights into turning my personal growth into family growth.  One good thing is that I have been praying more with Serena.  Yesterday when she woke up she said "say prayer to Jesus!", and we did.  She loves it.  Small improvements...baby steps...pun intended.

Breakfast Food for Thought

People don't always have a choice in what they're going to do today. They don't always have a choice in where they're going to go today. But I believe all human beings have a choice as to who they're going to be today. — from Moved by Faith **** This quote goes right along with my daily struggle to avoid sins, to not have to go to confession every week...hehe.  So today, be a good person.  Think good things and do good for others.  There is most definitely a choice in who we are and just like a good relationship with others takes hard work, a relationship with ourselves does too.  I am enjoying some delicious pancakes with my beautiful daughter this morning.  I am choosing to try to think positively.  Good morning and God bless!

Retreat Notes

Words cannot explain how wonderful my CRHP (Christ Renews His Parish) retreat weekend was.  If you have the opportunity to attend one, you have to, it will change your life.  It was one of the best weekends of my life and although I am only 30 years in, I have had some pretty awesome weekends.  I want to share with you a couple of Journal entries that I wrote while there.  They are not meant to be amazing pieces of writing, but just an idea of the thoughts that come to your mind when relaxing at a retreat.  These women are so funny, we laugh all day.  Beautiful people.
I also wanted to mention that I received a letter of encouragement (HELP letter) from my cousin Jennifer and it was funny because the Proverb she chose to share with me, was exactly the proverb that I bookmarked the day before, that I thought was really cool.
Proverb 31, you can find it :)
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Journal Entry
Retreat Day 1 of 2
3pm

We are on  break half-way through day one of the CRHP weekend.  This retreat is beyond amazing...and it's free.  These women are just amazing, they are my new sisters.  I am so blessed to be able to hear testimonies of faith and spirituality and life from so many different women.  I feel the Holy Spirit coming over me and filling me with humility.  We have been given gifts of faith.  My cynic inside is losing ground.  I know that my inability to respect others beliefs in the past, was only the sinner inside me, the weak self-concious part of myself that wanted to stay in darkness.  Happiness and respect and growth are attributes that I want to convey, not a sarcastic judgmental side. I am looking around the room full of women, some like me, some not, yet we are all sisters and are all overcome with love for God.  How can that ever be seen negatively?  Why was I ever so cynical about faith?  There is only beauty and love in God's will.  I am hopeful that I can keep an open mind throughout the rest of this retreat, as I have done so far.  I realize that I use humor to express myself, people are always telling me how funny I am.  I have been realizing recently that you don't have to be a cynic or curse to be funny.  I guess I have just always associated humor with being a rebel.  In reality though, God has a wonderful sense of humor and he wants me to use mine for good.
****
A little poem/blurb I wrote right after this last entry.

My name means rebirth.
Fate has brought me to him,
to be reborn in the spirit,
to live life to the fullest.
I am surrounded by love
I am blessed beyond belief,
that God has shown me the way,
the way back to Him.
Reborn in the name
accepted in the community,
sharing my life and focusing on good deeds.
Let us rejoice and be glad
that today we are clear
to see Jesus and know him
and thank our heavenly father for creating us.


****
Journal Entry:
Retreat Day 2 of 2
Noon

I just opened a giant envelope of letters of love and encouragement from my dearest friends and family. One of the other women just joked "I don't want to leave!".  I agree.  This has really been one of the most important weekends of my life.  I feel like I need to have the word RETREAT tattooed on my body to remind me to come back to this place in my mind when I forget God's purpose.  There was a re-occuring theme in my "love letters", I heard a lot of praise of my relaxed nature and openness with others.  It's funny how I try to convey these attributes.  I try to make people comfortable because ideally, I yearn to be comfortable in myself.  Life is hard work, I know that.  I have many faults and sins, but the positivity that the letters expressed is really just me mirroring the love that I have received.  God is love and I have been immersed in great love this weekend, I want to stay swimming in this pool of grace forever!  I wish that I could force all of my loved ones to go to a retreat like this, whatever denomination they are.  Time out of this cloudy and fast-paced time is so detrimental to our society.  I urge you to take time to reflect on life, God and love, and try harder to be a better person.  You will be blessed for your efforts.  I have been.

Tuesday Morning

On this tuesday morning, after my confirmation weekend, I want to remember to keep the holy spirit alive in me.  It was so easy yesterday, to just fall back into my daily complaints and annoyances and forget about my new relationship with God.  I hope to try harder today...I hope you can too.  I want to see the beauty of life...even when my 2 year old is screaming crying.

Abandon Yourself to Him 

Do good insofar as it is good in itself and insofar as it gives glory and pleasure to God. 

— from Padre Pio's Spiritual Direction for Every Day

It's Official!

I am a confirmed Catholic!  I could post a really long post here.  I had three sacraments yesterday, reconciliation, confirmation and the holy eucharist.  That's a lot of sacraments for one day.  I really just want to keep it short and sweet, I really cannot put into words how light and renewed and blessed I feel.  You just have to experience it yourself, which I highly recommend.  My sins were forgiven and I feel lighter.  My faith in Christ was confirmed in a beautiful ceremony.  I am now honored to receive the body and blood of Christ to renew my body and soul.  I am blessed, I cannot say it enough, that is all I can say.

with Deacon Mike, my RCIA teacher

Good 'ol Monsignor

my loving sponsor and friend Terri

Easter sunday photo 2012

Wedding #2

the running around 

My little family

"are you sure you want to marry me again?"

cute pic with Monsignor

my bridesmaids :)

Katie and Jonah

Wow.  The second wedding is never as good...is that a saying?  No, I am just kidding.  We had a wonderful validation ceremony.  We met at the church at 5pm.  We dressed up.  My friends Heather and Katie were our witnesses, with their little ones.  Serena ran around the church yelling the whole time, while Heather chased her.  I am sorry Heather, did you think I said that I needed a "witness"...no, I needed a "baby wrangler".  It was pretty short.  Monsignor was so relaxed about it and we didn't say the right stuff and fumbled with the rings and it was all just really comedic.  I told my mother-in-law on the phone after, that I didn't think it counted.  In all seriousness though, it felt great to make those vows again after 8 years of being together, 3 of them married.  We are no longer living in sin!  After the ceremony we went to EarthFare for dinner, a really quick circus dinner (kids eat free on thursdays) and then I rushed to church for the Holy Thursday mass...praying the while time that I wasn't late.  I cannot STAND to walk into a church late...everyone looking at you...judging you...like they know they are not supposed to.  It was a beautiful mass, I cried like a baby when we sang "Were you there?" during the offering.  I saw the feet washing.  We all left in silence.  It was a beautiful mass.  It was a great second wedding.  I am very blessed and glad Serena got to be at our wedding this time.

Holy Thursday 2012

Thursday, April 05, 2012 Previous Day    Next Day

Vulnerable Jesus I think you could meditate forever on the fact that Christ came into the world as a child. It makes me cry that God would send the smallest, most hidden, most anonymous, vulnerable form of a human being to come into the world to be our savior. — from Moved by Faith *** I love this about the catholic church, christianity.  Life starts when you are a baby and that vulnerability is exactly what makes us human...we need to remember that we are all fragile and need mothering and support to grow and flourish as individuals.  Today is the day that Alex and I are having our marriage validated in the church.  We will be newlyweds again!  Our marriage has been hard work, as they all are, and we are looking forward to having it blessed in the church.  I will post some pics tomorrow, if we remember to take them.  I am also singing in the choir tonight, and tomorrow and saturday...and sunday.  God bless my pipes!

Holy Week

I can't believe my first lent went by so fast.  I am pretty proud of my lenten studies/offerings.  Sure,  I could have prayed more and been more contemplative, but I stuck to my fasting, I went to a retreat, went to a couple of friday services and did some community service.  Not bad for a not-yet-catholic.  This week is going to busy, not only am I going to 3 masses, but I also have to sing at those masses and get confirmed. Monsignor also wants us to validate our marriage before saturday.  We also have play date plans almost every morning and afternoon.  I am doing my first confession saturday!  I can't wait to feel the weight lifted off my shoulders.  It's a heavy weight, multiplied by 30 years.  There is a man in my class that is doing his first confession after...70 years.  I will try to go before him.

Palm sunday mass was really moving, long, but really good.  I got a great feel for what I should be focusing on this week. We are having a a small retreat before our confirmation, a sort of Easter crash course I am thinking.  I loved the women's retreat about lent, so I am excited to hear what Fr. Tim says about Easter.

Notes on the retreat

Food!

Me and Heather

stations of the cross, still haven't figured it out

view of stations of the cross outside

St. Thomas More, Tallahassee FL

St. Thomas More Tallahassee, FL

The woman's day of renewal I attended on Saturday was very uplifting.  I am glad I went.  I sort of had a breakthrough, as cheesy as it sounds, and I realized a lot about myself and the ability to pray and listen to God.  Father Tim gave 3 discussions, each one on the 3 Pillars of Lent; Prayer, Fasting and Alms-giving.  Mainly the day was for reflection and prayer and he talked about this analogy of the desert.  The desert being a place we shy away from with distractions like TV and that the desert within us is a place of thirst  and unrest, where we need to go to face ourselves and receive God's love and guidance.  I am paraphrasing here.  On fasting, he connected it to prayer and explained that we fast to obtain Jesus.  That we should be giving up our distractions and realizing that we don't need these things, we need God.  Father Tim joked about the things he gave up in the past and how giving up chocolate isn't really what God wants.  I am glad I gave up Facebook, that is a huge distraction and I have realized that I don't need it.  His third talk was about alms-giving  and that it's not just about giving to the poor, it is about praying and fasting and then giving our whole selves to others and especially God.  We are vessels of the love of God and when we give our selves to others (not sexually) but in time, talent and treasure, others can feel God's love as we do.  He summed it up by saying that prayer, fasting and alsm-giving go together and that when we practice these 3 things, it makes it easier for us to give love, that is what God is all about.

Women's Day of Renewal

Today I am going the another Parish, the co-cathedral of St. Thomas More, a beautiful church here in Tallahassee, for a Women's Day of Renewal.   This is the first event of this type that I will have ever attended.  I am really excited.  Father Tim, our young Father who is my age and went to school with a lot of my friends, will be the moderator.  I wish you all could hear him speak, he is uplifting and humble and funny.  I imagine there will be some women speakers too.  There will be breakfast and lunch, my kind of renewal.  There will also be mass and reconciliation, although I cannot take communion...I am so close!  I only have 2 more RCIA classes.  This is a very exciting time for my faith.  I also started reading a really good book, I will post on that later.  I am so lucky to have such an awesome church family and diocese, I am really feeling the love lately.  There are so many opportunities in our diocese for growth and renewal.  I hope that you can attend something like this in the near future.  I know I will have a great experience.
***
On another note, with my lenten prayers, I am now praying for my best friend Suesan's brother Wayne who passed away at a young age of illness and also my brother's girlfriend's father.  I am so sorry for their losses, but one thing I love about the catholic church, is that the soul never dies and one day it will be reunited with our healthy bodies.  Our deceased loved ones are all around us and we can pray for them, even after death. 
This is a good daily minute meditation I got in my email from americancatholic.org:

Beyond Words

Just as our interpersonal relationships—whether they be with family, friends, or lovers—require us to communicate our whole selves beyond mere words, so too our relationship with God requires us to communicate our whole selves to our Creator.

— from Dating God